this stays unpublished....

Its funny that eveytime you say something good about anything, that is when the thing always go bad...its almost immidiately in fact....okk, now i start my post with this line, because i dont always want to sound confused and lost...i am neither confused nor am lost...i am just a little sad...maybe more than a little...a day back taked to mom about her and there she goes now...thought this would be one of the best birthday i ever had, and strangly, it turns out to be the worst...well shit happens...but damn, i think i am confused, as i really dont know what to write...i just want to write something becasuse i know that is the only think that would help me...tried seeking some help from the very source of my sadness, but guess there are some better things they have to do...so all i can do is some blogging to kill my time and be at peace...going through a blog afew days back, there was a sentence that read " Crying, sweating and yelling over anyone or anything? Unless someone's in imminent danger, dead or dying, you're way too wrapped up."...it kind of makes sense. After all why is it that we cry and sweat over someone, unless its not your family, who have actually sacrifices a lot to make me what i am...but is it so easy to let go of someone who gave you the best times of your life and who you really love?? its not, but all you can think at this time is that the person you are so sad for, is moving on at a pace that you can never imagine...maybe then youll realize that all you are trying to do is show the person how important she is and give her a reason to be more man than you are...more you are available for the other person, more you are taken for granted...but why the hell are the things so complicated...why is the ego and the pride factor always so dominant...i really dont know...FUCK I NEVER KNOW ANYTHING...she is like right in from of me...want to talk to her...but dont want to be the one one pushing the conversations all the time...and here i go again, pinged her...am doing all that i dont want to do...when am i going to learn...there is so much more to do in life, why am i so WRAPPED UP in this love crap...this is the time when pleaying around in relations make sense...why the hell do you have to be so serious...well not something i can do...and not something i would ever want to do...its not all that good getting into any relation...i was indifferent before i got into one, but now i am sad and depressed...i had told her that i want no commitments, was it so hard for her to understand me...did she actually want a guy who would play around with her...how could she feel good about things things then...i dont know its way to over my head...i think i gave her a good time...she cannot have all the good things...its immature to even expect it...i cannot love her, when i am not happy myself...and if i cannot love her, how can i give her what she wants...one time we talk about spending our life together, next moment she says bye...maybe this is how girls think now...i am way to backward for them...well the best for me is to stay alone...i wait for her, but i am not trying anything this time...made a mistake before...not doing the same thing again...ill live...ill learn...

september ashes....

September begun with a goodbye to my heart

The pictures you put in my head brought tears behind my icy hands

Come closer; Breathe my name and nothing more

We are mere whispering of a heartfelt elegy

So when I scream for you, do not answer me

When I beg you to hold me, just walk away...

......Draconian.......

:) , :( , ;) , :D , :-/ , :x , X-( , :->......goes on and on....

Embracing what is.....Don't shed a tear, don't cry...the only way to end this curse is when all of us will die....so raise your glasses, and take another swing, have no fear, don't look back and dance to your fate...