Why not black???

Now that is one question i asked myself too...and YOU KNOW WHAT (in caps cause i just cannot start anything without this line), its amazing, i said, to myself, "Not black"...want something more bright and maybe colorful...strange...its like, or maybe unlike, me...

But lately i have been doing many things that are so UNLIKE me...Ok this blog is for pure venting out purpose...no one except ME would have an access to it...that is actually sad , cause i would want her to read all my posts, good ones and the bad ones too...but well this one has to be a little personal...here i go again, thinking about her...

Its all about my head...its paining as i write about it...the pain has become so frequent now...the right side...happens when there is a lot going on in my head...i hate to say this, but i need some help..i need some help from my loved ones...the bad or unfortunate part is that i have no such loved one...cant talk to my folks about it...i am suffering...its so dull, its sad too...i wish i could cry, it helps load off the tension and stress, but the cry thing isn't coming, it rarely comes...i don't know what i want to write, wonder what would bring me at peace...i feel so lone and lost..feels like I've wasted all my time...is she thinking of me in her room, or is it just me...am i somewhere in her priority list...no, i don't think so...even if i am, i am the last she would bother about....she's got her friends...all her ego and principles apply to me and no one else...crap...her friends shouldn't feel bad, who the hell is pranav...what have i been doing...letting her play around with me...what do i do now...played, tampered and torchered...shit...my head, its still paining...i don't feel like writing, but I've got nothing else to do...that crazy girl didn't even bother to call me once...well i know what do write now...my JUDGEMENT ABOUT HER....i am being judgemental, hell yes...ill do whatever i want...

she thinks she is out of the world, super girl
full of false pride
confused
insensitive
highly egoistic
inconsiderate
ETC....

has she any good qualities...yes she does..many, more than i can ever count...but i wont talk about them, cause i am angry...why do i talk about whats good in her when she isn't being good to me...i am SO tried of spending myself on her...its of now use...she will never understand, she is sooo full of her pride and her so call experience that she refuse to open her mind and see what is going on...fuck....this is so shit...i want to call her, but why should i...she hurt me, she is least bothered about it...am i talking like a wimp...maybe i am...i don't care...this is how i am...she thinks she is strong, fuck it...go find yourself a dog, oh dog wont work, it cant make you laugh and give u surprises and do all those things uve mentioned on your blog...well in that case a really witty slave would do the job for u...