ONCE UPON A TIME IN VEDARONESTINASIA (vae-de-ro-nes-ti-ne-shia)

This story is not related to me in anyways and its resemblance from anyone would be a total coincidence and my creativity (or stupidity, most likely the case).
So this story is about a boy who was born in a village far away from this planet in a galaxy not know to man, in a very poor family. Now one may wonder if this is one of those silly stories where a boy does great things even though being born in poor conditions. Well, it’s not the case here, because this boy was born on a different planet, and not earth, where bollywood produces stupid movies. So this boy, named Pranav, had 4 friends, Joshi, Gautam, Manish and Saunak. These friends, one day planned to go for an outing. On their way, they came across a stable with a beautiful horse STANDING. This was no ordinary horse, they thought (obviously, not just because it was from a different planet but it was really huge too). They were so fascinated by this horse that they decided to buy it. Before that, they thought to ride on it first. This horse was a real stubborn types and it just refused to sit down due to which the friends couldn’t sit on it. So out of frustration they all started beating up the horse. Suddenly the owner of the horse came running, hearing the cries of his horse, and angrily cursed the 5 friends that if they ever sit, they would die. All the friends really scared wondered what to do now. But out of the 5 friends, Saunak was bravest. He was pretty sure that nothing would happen and mocked his friends on believing on something as stupid as that. Without a second thought he sat down. Guess what happened next, of course he died. Now the friends all the more scared, decided to face the situation maturely, they planned for a galaxy tour. So they all started with their journey and after travelling for 20 days came back to their planet and back to their home. Now Joshi was very tired and wanted to sleep, but he knew the consequence. Finally he made up his mind and bid goodbye to his friends, laid down and of course never got up again, leaving the remaining 3 sad and depressed. They wondered what to do now. Finally they planned to go on a same trip once again. On their return, it was Gautam’s turn to bid goodbye to the remaining 2. Similarly Manish was next. Pranav was left really sad and lonely. He could not understand what to do now. So finally he too decided to sit and finish his life thinking that this was very much inevitable. But before that he wanted to eat and drink like never before, all those things he ever wanted, so that he dies satisfied. After he finished his meals he finally decided to sit on a motorcycle he desperately wanted to buy. As soon as he sat on it, guess what happened, NOTHING. He was so happy and at the same time confused. But then suddenly he saw the owner of the same horse running towards him with a knife. Scared what to do now, he rode the bike as fast as he could, and the owner followed him in the red bike that was parked next to the blue one which Pranav was riding. After a long chase the owner finally caught up with the blue bike and killed Pranav.
This was how all the 5 friends died. This is the end of the story. But now the most important part of it. What is the moral of the story?
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1. The red bike was faster from the blue bike
2. All alien stories are not interesting
3. And on a serious note, it's not good to torture animals


P.S. I am really sorry for such a pathetic piece of work. Had written it a long time back...Did not want it go waste in some old dusty notebook.

Been some time since my last update and as the blogging thing is so much in air these days, felt like updating mine as well. This would be probably the very first time i'd post in a happy mood. Why am I happy?? I don't know, and honestly am least bothered to find it out. Am happy as long as I am happy. Well that made no sense. Who cares? I tend to speak a little nonsense when I am happy. So here it goes all the nonsense I can think of at the moment....
I’ll start with what I am wondering right now. First of all am really enjoying typing. Ok, that is not what I am wondering right now. What I was wondering was that why is it that all my post were so "her" centric?? There is so much in life more than just that. Not that my feelings have changed in any ways, but something has for sure changed the way I think. I must say, the recent incidents have played a pivotal role. All I know is that I’ll be altogether a different person by the time I am done with my course. And that gives me the answer to my question ( why are my posts so "her" centric)...it’s all because of "her" that I have changed so much...changes, good or bad, well both, but I’ll concentrate more on the good ones...specially becuase ive been really bad with to her with my words...I think she deserves a lot more than my criticism and my poisonous words…not that I regret what all I had posted before, it was what I felt, but she isn’t all that bad…I thank you for all that you’ve done for me girl, all the love and affection, your sacrifices, your caring, just everything…these 10 months compensated for those 5 years of my dull life…I just hope I did something good for you as well…
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Incomplete....will complete it someday, but time required me to post this today, had to let you know what i really feel for you...I LOVE YOU...Love may go someday, it will, in fact it will have to...but you will be there, in that special untouchable place in my heart...

List of questions i usually ask myself....not an exhaustive list, but all that i can think of right now....

1. Will i ever be stinking rich??

2. Why have i started getting irritated with my mom and dad so often??

3. Why do i try to keep her happy all the time, when she either doesn't want to be happy with me, or when she would never push herself so much if required??

4. Will i have ever get to camp in Himalayas all by myself??

5. Will i ever get to jump into really deep waters from a high bridge??

6. Will i be all fit and fine, in one piece, till the time i die??

7. How would i get over the death of my parents, if they die before me (which i really wish)??

8. Would i ever find someone who would love me, selflessly, and understand me completely?? (too much to ask i guess)

9. Will i ever fly a plane??

10. Would it ever be possible for me to shop for whatever i like without worrying about my budget??

11. Will i be able to give my parents all that they ever wanted??

12. Will i ever be a real hacker??

13. will i ever learn to play guitar??

14. Will i ever learn to dance??

15. Why do i give some people such high importance??

16. Why is it that i get things, things i always wanted, at a later stage and not when i really wanted them??

17. Why do i always get carried away in love??

18. Why am i always so scared of loosing the people i love??

19. Why do i tolerate things that i don't like, when people don't do the same with me??

20. Why am i so selective in making friends??

21. Will i ever be able to ask a question, fearlessly, and get the answer i want to hear??

22. Would i die happy and satisfied??

Immature ?? (maybe)....but i do think of these things at times, in different moods, while watching and hearing people do some of these things...Can think of more, but dont feel like writing now...I know, and i also say, one cannot get everything in life...I believe in it, but is it really bad to dream and think of all that you'd want??

this stays unpublished....

Its funny that eveytime you say something good about anything, that is when the thing always go bad...its almost immidiately in fact....okk, now i start my post with this line, because i dont always want to sound confused and lost...i am neither confused nor am lost...i am just a little sad...maybe more than a little...a day back taked to mom about her and there she goes now...thought this would be one of the best birthday i ever had, and strangly, it turns out to be the worst...well shit happens...but damn, i think i am confused, as i really dont know what to write...i just want to write something becasuse i know that is the only think that would help me...tried seeking some help from the very source of my sadness, but guess there are some better things they have to do...so all i can do is some blogging to kill my time and be at peace...going through a blog afew days back, there was a sentence that read " Crying, sweating and yelling over anyone or anything? Unless someone's in imminent danger, dead or dying, you're way too wrapped up."...it kind of makes sense. After all why is it that we cry and sweat over someone, unless its not your family, who have actually sacrifices a lot to make me what i am...but is it so easy to let go of someone who gave you the best times of your life and who you really love?? its not, but all you can think at this time is that the person you are so sad for, is moving on at a pace that you can never imagine...maybe then youll realize that all you are trying to do is show the person how important she is and give her a reason to be more man than you are...more you are available for the other person, more you are taken for granted...but why the hell are the things so complicated...why is the ego and the pride factor always so dominant...i really dont know...FUCK I NEVER KNOW ANYTHING...she is like right in from of me...want to talk to her...but dont want to be the one one pushing the conversations all the time...and here i go again, pinged her...am doing all that i dont want to do...when am i going to learn...there is so much more to do in life, why am i so WRAPPED UP in this love crap...this is the time when pleaying around in relations make sense...why the hell do you have to be so serious...well not something i can do...and not something i would ever want to do...its not all that good getting into any relation...i was indifferent before i got into one, but now i am sad and depressed...i had told her that i want no commitments, was it so hard for her to understand me...did she actually want a guy who would play around with her...how could she feel good about things things then...i dont know its way to over my head...i think i gave her a good time...she cannot have all the good things...its immature to even expect it...i cannot love her, when i am not happy myself...and if i cannot love her, how can i give her what she wants...one time we talk about spending our life together, next moment she says bye...maybe this is how girls think now...i am way to backward for them...well the best for me is to stay alone...i wait for her, but i am not trying anything this time...made a mistake before...not doing the same thing again...ill live...ill learn...

september ashes....

September begun with a goodbye to my heart

The pictures you put in my head brought tears behind my icy hands

Come closer; Breathe my name and nothing more

We are mere whispering of a heartfelt elegy

So when I scream for you, do not answer me

When I beg you to hold me, just walk away...

......Draconian.......

:) , :( , ;) , :D , :-/ , :x , X-( , :->......goes on and on....

Embracing what is.....Don't shed a tear, don't cry...the only way to end this curse is when all of us will die....so raise your glasses, and take another swing, have no fear, don't look back and dance to your fate...

true face....which one???

Sitting here in the rain, well not in the rain, with my heavy head from previous night’s absurdity, am wondering what have I done to myself? I have this vague feeling of guilt for some reason. But what am I guilty about, I don’t know, guilty of drinking, or maybe guilty of what this imperfect technology tempted me to do. I don’t think I am guilty of that, I am happy for what I saw, its helping me take my decisions more rationally and is constantly pushing me to stick to them. In fact I really don’t need a push now. But what could have been the reason for it, the anger? Fuck, I should have been the one to be angry then. veritably i am guilty for,

1. allowing someone to play around with me

2. prioritizing someone for whom i was just a source of entertainment

3. not spending time with my parents because of the above mentioned person

4. blind faith and blind trust

etc...(i am sure i can think of many other reasons)

I remember Abhinav and all that he used to say and do. Can also recollect what he told Rohit one day, all that makes sense to me now. Is there something like “Perpetual love”?? I don’t know (again), it doesn't even sound correct, or maybe something like true love, talk of my experience, I don't think so.

What do i do now, talk about everything, would it help me clear out my mind? It would, but what’s the use, there is an explanation to everything, there would be one for this too. I don’t want to feel better about this, I want no justifications. But today, I am proud of what I am, and thankful, for realizing that the path that I had chosen wasn't the right one. But at the same time i am embarrassed, too embarrassed to face myself. Life isn't always about those theories and concepts that sound so right and logical. This Post of mine would have no explanation attached to it, lets see if I have that “MAN” thing in me that they think is missing. There is nothing wrong with the world I guess, neither with me, its just a few people, took a little time for me to understand, and hence i contradict what i just said, "Perpetual Love" (even if it doesn't sound right), and true love does exist. Some people are just too used to this love thing, and thus its a game to them. But ill keep my values and ethics intact. It did take me some time and hell lot of crazy experiences to understand how important it is to treat people in the way they deserve. But this post isn’t about the people, its about me. Talking to Nitin yesterday, I realized that I am a good guy, no matter what the world has to say about this. Talking to Preeti, I felt that I am better (in fact much better) than what is required by the world and the perceptions they have about me. And who says that drinking is bad for me, well it may be, maybe something bad is waiting to happen, but FUCK IT. I ain't scared of the consequences anymore. Moreover it surely did something good this time. I have a clear picture in my head now. No reason for me to suffocate and feel degraded. No reason is good enough for that. There always are good times, I thank the world for that, though now i know that the intentions were not that pure, but still, i duly pay my regards.

Ill move on, wont let time run by me, wont let anyone run over me....i wont go about searching someone with that "point of light above the left shoulder", ill just be patient. There is a lot in this world than the search for a soul mate. I want to be happy too. The times seems to have changed, giving doesn't always means that you ll get the same in return, if it does, maybe i was giving it to the wrong person.....

Tearing myself....

This would be more like a personal diary...i guess...anyways met her today in the college...she was looking really nice in that purple top of hers...didn't tell her...wasn't feeling good...same old depressed mood i was in...she asked for the reason, she knew something was wrong...but what could i tell her, that she was the reason, she was the reason for me being at the lowest point...what does she want...enjoying the best of both the worlds, treats me like her boyfriend when with me and when outside wants all the space and time...go away i am not the type u think i am...well i don't know...she asked for coffee, and then she herself refused for it...maybe she was getting fuckin late for her dance with her friend...i remember, the day when i asked her out for dance, the very first time i guess, and she refused saying that she wants to see other men too and gave me that crappy reason for not going out with me to dance, well listen here girl, i know everything...am not as dumb as u might think of me...never again i am going out with you...coffee, maybe, but otherwise, no...well that is what ill try...u feel good or bad, i don't care, when u don't have that caring factor left in you, then go on i wont care either...ive done enough thinking about what ull like and what u wont,..i think i am done with it...i accept that u are the only one i have(had), but that would not mean that i would be a game to you, i am serious stuff too...you think your one of those hot shots, well you not the only one here...i let you do things to me cause i love you, but this love stinks now, it has left me in a position i was always scared to be in, i am lonely now, i don't feel like talking to anyone the whole day, my parents, my sister, just no one...i am done, i want to format my head, format it of all the things that is holding me back, maybe format me of the love so that i be the man i was once...i want fun too...it was you with whom i see the happy part of me, u said the same to me, but as always, u maybe were CONFUSED...yes i said that, and this time i wont bowdlerize anything that i am saying or writing...i am no more scared of loosing you...you never were scared of loosing me, one reason for this?? you took me for granted, you knew my weakness, i couldn't ever leave you, well times change my love...you asked for it, you just got it...you always came back to me (i loved it) when we used to part, i see that was love...you did what you should have done then, i accepted y0ur leaving me and coming back to me, but what you have been doing lately, its not out of your will to do the right thing, this time you just don't know what you are doing, you have no consideration left...you are just so busy doing things that makes YOU happy...go on...my fault, i put u in a position in my life that was just so fuckin damn important and sacred...its all my fault, no one deserves to be where i had put u to...you were not THE ONE to have been given such a place...cant undo things...hope i just get the power to do what is right now......

Why not black???

Now that is one question i asked myself too...and YOU KNOW WHAT (in caps cause i just cannot start anything without this line), its amazing, i said, to myself, "Not black"...want something more bright and maybe colorful...strange...its like, or maybe unlike, me...

But lately i have been doing many things that are so UNLIKE me...Ok this blog is for pure venting out purpose...no one except ME would have an access to it...that is actually sad , cause i would want her to read all my posts, good ones and the bad ones too...but well this one has to be a little personal...here i go again, thinking about her...

Its all about my head...its paining as i write about it...the pain has become so frequent now...the right side...happens when there is a lot going on in my head...i hate to say this, but i need some help..i need some help from my loved ones...the bad or unfortunate part is that i have no such loved one...cant talk to my folks about it...i am suffering...its so dull, its sad too...i wish i could cry, it helps load off the tension and stress, but the cry thing isn't coming, it rarely comes...i don't know what i want to write, wonder what would bring me at peace...i feel so lone and lost..feels like I've wasted all my time...is she thinking of me in her room, or is it just me...am i somewhere in her priority list...no, i don't think so...even if i am, i am the last she would bother about....she's got her friends...all her ego and principles apply to me and no one else...crap...her friends shouldn't feel bad, who the hell is pranav...what have i been doing...letting her play around with me...what do i do now...played, tampered and torchered...shit...my head, its still paining...i don't feel like writing, but I've got nothing else to do...that crazy girl didn't even bother to call me once...well i know what do write now...my JUDGEMENT ABOUT HER....i am being judgemental, hell yes...ill do whatever i want...

she thinks she is out of the world, super girl
full of false pride
confused
insensitive
highly egoistic
inconsiderate
ETC....

has she any good qualities...yes she does..many, more than i can ever count...but i wont talk about them, cause i am angry...why do i talk about whats good in her when she isn't being good to me...i am SO tried of spending myself on her...its of now use...she will never understand, she is sooo full of her pride and her so call experience that she refuse to open her mind and see what is going on...fuck....this is so shit...i want to call her, but why should i...she hurt me, she is least bothered about it...am i talking like a wimp...maybe i am...i don't care...this is how i am...she thinks she is strong, fuck it...go find yourself a dog, oh dog wont work, it cant make you laugh and give u surprises and do all those things uve mentioned on your blog...well in that case a really witty slave would do the job for u...